There’s a certain type of selfishness which seems to have become natural, normal, and even encouraged in our society – one that I tend to take for granted even in myself.

I’m reading Carl Trueman’s book, “The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self”, a good new book I’ll have more to say on in the near future, but one particular portion stuck out to me and really reveals a lot about the spirit of our time, I think.

By way of background, Trueman’s book traces the development of the modern idea of self, as expressed in the sexual revolution, but also in many other areas. Trueman cites the example of the statement, “I am a woman, trapped in a man’s body” as one which illustrates how far our view of self has changed in recent decades.

That’s not my focus here, however. Instead, I was captured by an illustration Trueman uses when discussing the “psychological man”. In Trueman’s terminology, the “psychological man” describes our modern view of self, as in this blog post he wrote:

We think of ourselves in terms of our inner convictions, our feelings; we consequently interpret the purpose and meaning of our lives in line with this, seeing, for example, happiness in terms of an inner sense of psychological well-being… In earlier ages, personal meaning was something discovered by individuals through being educated in how to locate themselves within established external structures such as family, church, or nation. With the psychological turn, however, these things come to be seen as potential hindrances to personal authenticity… This notion—that culture and civilized society was the problem and that rightly tuned emotions were the answer—was picked up and popularized by the Romantics, whose artistic focus on nature was the means by which they connected their audience with authentic emotions.

In any case, Trueman goes on to illustrate how these views have impacted our time in this way:

We can see how influential this development has been by reflecting on the notion of job satisfaction. I recall once asking my grandfather, a lifelong sheet metal worker in a Birmingham factory, if he had found satisfaction in his work. His answer was that he did indeed find his work satisfying because it enabled him to put food on his family’s table and shoes on his children’s feet. This response is striking precisely because it is so outwardly directed. Any feelings of satisfaction he had were the result of actions he did for others. Ask me the same question and my answer would be that I find my work satisfying because I enjoy teaching. It makes me feel good to stand in front of a class and talk about interesting ideas. To be colloquial, it gives me a buzz. The difference is clear: my notion of satisfaction is an inward-directed one, less to do with my impact on others and more to do with my own immediate feelings than with my impact upon others.

In the book, Trueman adds that his grandfather didn’t even fully understand the question about whether his job was satisfying. The idea of whether he found his work emotionally fulfilling or satisfying was foreign; he saw his work as valuable because of how it affected others – his family, his community, etc. Trueman argues that in the interim, our fundamental approach has shifted. If we find satisfaction in work, now, it’s because it makes us feel a certain way; we feel it’s meaningful, we find a sense of fulfillment in it, etc. How it benefits our family or others becomes only secondary, if it matters to us at all.

As I read this, I realized this extends far beyond just work. We’re told in essentially every area of life that we ought to find our relationships, jobs, and interactions with others fulfilling and satisfying and, if we don’t, we should change them and replace them with something more satisfying. If your job isn’t satisfying, quit and find a new one. Your marriage doesn’t make you happy? Get out of it and find someone who will make you happy. Your friends don’t seem accepting enough and don’t affirm you adequately? Ditch them and find someone who values you for who you are.

Now, I’m not saying here that there’s never a time for changing our circumstances. Certainly there may be at times. But this psychological focus, the view that we must have an inner sense of psychological well-being which our surroundings help to promote, is peculiar to our time, and it shows a particular sort of selfishness, I believe – one that I think we’ve grown to accept and even encourage.

We can even take this to extremes; I was talking with someone recently who was contemplating leaving her job – a solid technical job in her area which would help her meet her and her family’s short-term goals and go on to professional school debt-free – without another job lined up because she felt almost guilty sticking with a job she didn’t find emotionally fulfilling. She felt it was dishonest to stick with something didn’t leave her feeling emotionally fulfilled. That is, we’re so committed to this idea of emotional fulfillment that we can feel guilty if we don’t act accordingly.

The Bible tells Christians that they ought to act differently, though, with not even the slightest hint of selfishness. Phil. 2:3-8 says:

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Here, we are to do nothing out of selfishness, but instead to seek primarily the interests of others – to live for their good. Our example in this is to be Christ, who, although he was God incarnate, came to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. He came to rescue us even from our selfishness, so that we can serve others. And not only that, but the Bible tells us that real fulfillment is to be found not in running after what we think will make us feel happy and fulfilled, but only in serving God and giving ourselves up for his sake.

At present, we’re told to put an emphasis on self-care (self-care day or self-care Fridays are now a thing!) and self-love. But the Bible tells us that the second greatest commandment is (Matthew 5:39), “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” We don’t need to be told to love ourselves, because that comes naturally; instead, we need to be reminded that we need to love our neighbors, or even our enemies. Yes, there’s a time to take care of ourselves and ensure we get enough rest and don’t overwork ourselves, etc., but what we need to be reminded is to love and care for others.

In any case, the particular anecdote Trueman told about his grandfather really grabbed me when I read it, and helped me see more clearly how my focus on how things make me feel exhibits a kind of socially-approved selfishness. Instead, I want to have the attitude Christ had and serve others, following his example by loving others, rather than putting my own emotions first.